Како разговарати са својим дететом о опасним људима

Talking to children about dangers is necessary in a way that does not intimidate them and at the same time teaches them how to defend themselves and avoid dangers. In everything you need a measure — and in safety too. It is easy to step over the line beyond which the world is a dangerous place, where a maniac lurks at every corner. Do not project your fears onto the child, make sure that the principle of reality and adequacy is not violated.

Before the age of five, it is enough for a child to know that not everyone does good — sometimes other people, for various reasons, want to do evil. We are not talking about those children who will deliberately bite, hit the head with a shovel, or even take away their favorite toy. And not even about adults who can yell at someone else’s child or intentionally intimidate him. These are really bad people.

It is worth talking about these people when the child may encounter them, that is, when he is old enough to stay somewhere without you and without the responsible supervision of other adults.

At the same time, it is important to remember that even if you are talking with a child about bad people and he “understood everything”, this does not mean that you can leave him alone on the playground and be sure that he will not leave with anyone. Children under 5-6 years old are not able to recognize the bad intentions of adults and resist them, even if they were told about it. Your child’s safety is your responsibility, not theirs.

Take off the crown

The realization that adults can be wrong is very important for the safety of the child. If the child is convinced that the word of an adult is the law, this will make it very difficult for him to resist people who want to harm him. After all, they are adults — which means that he must obey / be silent / behave well / do what is required.

Let your baby say «no» to adults (starting with you, of course). Too polite children, who are afraid to confront adults, are silent when it is necessary to shout, for fear of misbehaving. Explain: “Refusing, saying no to an adult or a child older than you is normal.”

Изградите поверење

In order for a child to be able to withstand the dangers of the world around him, he must have the experience of a safe relationship with his parents — one in which he can speak, is not afraid of being punished, where he trusts and is loved. Of course, it is necessary for the parent to make important decisions, but not through violence.

An open atmosphere — in the sense of accepting all the emotions of the child — will allow him to feel safe with you, which means that he can share even something difficult, for example, tell about times when other adults threatened him or did something bad.

If you respect the child, and he respects you, if the rights of both adults and children are respected in your family, the child will transfer this experience to relationships with others. A child whose boundaries are respected will be sensitive to their violation and will quickly realize that something is wrong.

Enter security rules

The rules must be learned organically, through everyday situations, otherwise the child may be frightened or miss important information on deaf ears. Go to the supermarket — talk about what to do if you get lost. On the street, a woman offered a baby a candy — discuss with him an important rule: «Never take anything from other people’s adults, even candy, without the permission of your mother.» Don’t yell, just talk.

Discuss safety rules when reading books. “What safety rule do you think the mouse violated? What did it lead to?

From the age of 2,5-3, tell your baby about acceptable and unacceptable touches. Washing the child, say: “These are your intimate places. Only mom can touch them when she washes you, or a nanny who helps wipe her ass. Formulate an important rule: «Your body belongs only to you», «You can tell anyone, even an adult, that you do not want to be touched.»

Don’t Be Afraid to Discuss Difficult Incidents

For example, you are walking down the street with your child, and a dog attacked you or a person who behaved aggressively or inappropriately stuck to you. These are all good reasons to discuss security. Some parents try to distract the child so that he forgets about the frightening experience. But this is not true.

Such repression leads to the growth of fear, its fixation. In addition, you are missing out on a great pedagogical opportunity: information will be remembered better if it is presented in context. You can immediately formulate the rule: “If you are alone and met such a person, you need to move away from him or run away. Don’t talk to him. Don’t be afraid to be impolite and call for help.»

Talk about dangerous people simply and clearly

Older children (from the age of six) can be told something like this: “There are a lot of good people in the world. But sometimes there are people who can harm others — even children. They do not look like criminals, but like the most ordinary uncles and aunts. They can do very bad things, hurt or even take life. They are few, but they meet.

To distinguish such people, remember: a normal adult will not turn to a child who does not need help, he will talk to his mom or dad. Normal adults will only reach out to a child if they need help, if the child is lost or crying.

Dangerous people can come up and turn just like that. Their goal is to take the child with them. And so they can deceive and lure (give examples of dangerous people’s traps: “let’s go see / save a dog or cat”, “I’ll take you to your mother”, “I’ll show you / give you something interesting”, “I need your help” and etc.). You should never, under any persuasion, go anywhere (even not far) with such people.

If a child asks why people do bad things, answer something like this: “There are people who get very angry, and through terrible actions they express their feelings, they do it in bad wrong ways. But there are more good people in the world.»

If the child goes to visit with an overnight stay

The child finds himself in a strange family, collides with strange adults, is left alone with them. The likelihood that something bad will happen there will decrease dramatically if you are aware of the following points in advance:

• Who lives in this house? What are these people?
• What values ​​do they have, are they different from those of your family?
• How safe is their home? Are hazardous substances available?
• Who will supervise the children?
• How will the children sleep?

You should not let your child go to a family about which you know nothing at all. Find out who will look after the children and ask them not to let them out alone in the yard if you are not yet letting your child go out on their own.

Also, before you let the child visit, remind him of the basic safety rules.

• The child should always tell the parent if something has happened that seems strange, unpleasant, unusual, embarrassing or frightening to him.
• The child has the right to refuse to do what he does not want, even if it is suggested by an adult.
• His body belongs to him. Children should play only in clothes.
• The child must not play in dangerous places, even with older children.
• It is important to always remember the home address and phone numbers of the parents.

Do not scare

• Give information by age. It’s too early for a three-year-old to talk about murderers and pedophiles.

• Do not allow children under seven years of age to watch the news: they seriously affect the psyche and increase anxiety. Children, seeing on the screen how a strange man takes a girl away from the playground, believe that this is a real criminal, and feel as if they are watching terrible events in reality. Therefore, you do not need to show children videos about bad people in order to convince them not to go anywhere with strangers. Just talk about it, but don’t show it.

• If you start talking about bad people, don’t forget to show the «other side of the coin.» Remind children that there are many good and kind people in the world, give examples of such situations when someone helped, supported someone, talk about similar cases in the family (for example, someone lost their phone and it was returned to him).

• Do not leave your child alone with fears. Emphasize that you are there and will not let bad things happen, and keep the promise. “It is my job to take care of you and keep you safe. I know how to do it. If you get scared, or you are not sure about something, or you think that someone can harm you, you should tell me about it, and I will help.