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The quality of your sex life says a lot about relationships. The sexual dissatisfaction of one of the spouses can give rise to deep contradictions that destroy the marriage. Sexologists advise to pay attention to the list of seven alarms.
1. Lack of sex
There is no intimate connection in a relationship if the couple is physically intimate less than ten times a year. In most couples, the lack of sex drives the partners apart.
Sexologist Sari Cooper emphasizes that partners become strangers at a very deep level. Often they avoid not only sex, but also discussion of the problem, which increases the feeling of loneliness and isolation. When the spouses come to the reception, the specialist helps to identify the problem without blaming anyone in particular. A partner who suffers from a lack of sex needs to take the first step and share how he misses intimacy with his loved one. Such tactics are better than mutual reproaches and accusations.
2. Uncertainty about attractiveness
A woman needs to feel desired and attractive, this is an important element of arousal. Martha Mina, a sexuality researcher, says, «For a woman, being desired is like having an orgasm.»
Sexologist Laura Watson claims that if a man cannot convince a woman of her attractiveness, intimate life naturally fades. To solve the problem, you need to find out and discuss each other’s expectations. The more and better you communicate, the better the sex will be.
3. Lost trust
Restoring your sex life after infidelity is not easy. Sari Cooper says that the unfaithful partner will have to work hard to regain trust, and it is important for the second partner to understand what led to the betrayal. Often couples have to create a new «sex contract» to accommodate needs that were previously hidden or unmet.
4. Lack of physical attraction
In couples who live together for a long time, the loss of physical attractiveness can undermine the relationship, says sexologist Mushumi Gouz. Sometimes the reason is that one of the spouses has launched himself.
Of course, stress at work, fatigue from family responsibilities and other things are not in vain. But people who no longer find their partners physically attractive often take this as a sign that the partner doesn’t care about themselves or their relationship.
5. Illness as an excuse
Couples stop having sex for a variety of reasons related to physiology and health: premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or pain during intercourse in women. Sexologist Celeste Hirschman advises not only to see a doctor, but also to analyze the emotional side of the problem.
A partner who needs less sex takes control of his sex life
If you justify all problems with sex or relationships in general with physiological reasons, there is reason to think. You shift the focus to health, avoiding discussion of sexual and emotional needs. Couples need to look beyond physiological issues and pay attention to the fears that grow up around them.
6. You don’t take your partner’s sexual desires seriously.
People like different things. When a partner opens up and admits that he wants to have hard sex or play role-playing games, do not neglect this or make fun of his desires.
Sexologist Ava Cadell explains: “I tell my clients that everything can be discussed—even in the bedroom. Have your partner share three fantasies. Then the other chooses one of them and puts it into practice. From now on, you can share your fantasies without fear of judgment or rejection.”
7. Mismatch of temperaments
Many couples suffer from a mismatch of sexual temperaments — when one of the couple needs sex more often than the other. A partner who needs less sex begins to control the sex life. As a result, the spouse with a stronger sexual temperament grows indignant and resisting.
Sexologist Megan Fleming believes that if you do not deal with the problem of discrepancies in sexual temperaments, the risk of divorce or infidelity increases. A partner with a stronger sexual temperament does not want to continue like this all his life. Entering into marriage, he did not choose the path of humility and abstinence.
Do not wait for the moment when the partner comes to a standstill. Take care of the problem right away. The causes of low libido are complex and interrelated, but the problem can be corrected.