My friend lived alone for quite a few years, until we had a heart-to-heart talk with her and found the key to a special female condition … Since then, her life has been made up of dates, novels and love adventures. What is this state in which you are so open to new relationships that they do not keep you waiting?
You have probably met women who can hardly stay without a relationship for a month — it seems that they are being hunted. And it should be noted that these are not always young beauties. What do they have that others don’t?
Successful, strong, interesting women are often left alone and cannot understand why this is happening. Against the background of this forced seclusion, superstitions such as «there are no real men left», «men do not like strong women — they need helpless and obedient ones», «a woman must choose: either a career or a family» flourish.
It seems to me that the matter is not only and not so much in men: the solution to the riddle lies in the field of chemistry.
Valence in relationships
Recall the term «valency» from the school curriculum in chemistry: this is the ability of an element to form bonds. Observations of friends and just acquaintances led me to the idea that on the way to success, women very often cultivate independence, self-sufficiency in themselves.
“I will build my own successful, interesting and happy life!” — such a position can only cause respect: this is a challenge that gives a motive for development. In psychology, this is considered an important element of mental health and is called the author’s attitude. Unfortunately, it has a small flaw.
Even if you are the greatest volleyball player, you cannot play alone! There are many interesting activities and games that require a partner or team — and this is not at all related to the strength or weakness of a person.
Find a place for a man
My friends and I asked the men, pointing out to them our acquaintances: “Why don’t you approach this free, beautiful and interesting woman?” The answer was always the same: “I don’t see that she might need me for something.”
Men actually admire strong and successful women. Just talk to them, ask questions. But in order to approach a woman, to enter her life, a man needs to see that there is a place for him, an opportunity to do something for her.
Perhaps you make good money, you know how to change the wheels of a car, you have heated electric sheets so that the bed is always at the right temperature … Valence is not helplessness or need. Valence is a state when, without belittling your successes and achievements, you feel that there is something else in life that a man is needed for. Then and only then can you show it to others at the level of chemistry.
This is a very natural translation: “I want more from life”, “I am interested”, “I am open to new events”.
Exercise «Communicate with a friend»
A well-trained quality of self-sufficiency can play against its owner. For example, a woman dreams of a relationship, but when she meets a man for the first time, she behaves in such a way that he wants to fall through the ground: she teases, asks uncomfortable questions, tests for strength: “if he can resist me, then he suits me.”
This or a similar, but no less traumatic communication tactic can be triggered automatically, with little or no knowledge of the woman herself. And it is not surprising that the man quickly refuses to date her.
How to rebuild the usual mechanism of interaction? When you go on a date, imagine that you are going to meet a friend. And communicate with a potential chosen one the way you would communicate with a friend: supporting him, indulging in jokes and sincerity. Sexual connection is not a secret! — starts with communication. And, gradually moving in this direction, enjoy the friendly phase of communication.
This is a win-win option that allows you to have a good time, get to know a potential partner — and does not oblige you to make immediate decisions.
Have you noticed that people who finally fall in love begin to look different? They glow with more softness, contentment and happiness. Valence is an invitation to kindle the light of love in you, it is a readiness and a developed ability to fall in love. Of course, this is a dangerous undertaking, but let’s admit that this risk is worth the result — the relationships and intimacy that you want to maintain.