In order for a child to grow up happy and self-confident, it is necessary to cultivate optimism in him. The idea seems obvious, but we often do not understand what is needed for this. Excessive demands, as well as overprotection, can form other attitudes in a child.
The benefits of optimism have been proven by many studies. They cover all areas of life (family, academic, professional), including mental stability. Optimism reduces stress and protects against depression.
Even more surprising is that the effect of optimism affects the health of the body as a whole. Optimism fuels self-esteem and self-confidence. This affects the immune system. Optimists stay active longer, recover faster from injuries, physical exertion and illness.
Psychologies: You think that raising a happy child means instilling in him an optimistic mindset. What does it mean?
Alain Braconnier, psychologist, psychoanalyst, author of The Optimistic Child: in the Family and at School: Optimism is the ability, on the one hand, to see positive scenarios and, on the other hand, to give a reasonable assessment of troubles. Pessimists are prone to devaluing judgments and negative generalizations. They often say: «I am an empty place», «I can not cope with the circumstances.» Optimists do not dwell on what has already happened, they try to figure out what to do next.
Optimism — innate or acquired quality? How to recognize a child’s tendency to optimism?
All children show signs of optimism from birth. From the first months, the child smiles at adults to show that he is well. He is curious about everything, he is passionate about everything new, everything that moves, glitters, makes sounds. He constantly demands attention. He quickly becomes a great inventor: he wants to try everything, reach out to everything.
Raise your child so that his attachment to you does not look like an addiction, but at the same time gives a sense of security
When the baby is old enough to get out of his crib, he immediately begins to explore the space around her. In psychoanalysis, this is called the «life drive.» It pushes us to conquer the world.
But research shows that some children are more curious and outgoing than others. Among experts, there was an opinion that such children make up 25% of the total number. This means that for three quarters, natural optimism can be awakened through training and the appropriate atmosphere.
Како се то ради?
As the child grows up, he encounters limitations and may become aggressive and unhappy. Optimism helps him not to give in to difficulties, but to overcome them. Between the ages of two and four, such children laugh and play a lot, they are less anxious about parting with their parents, and they tolerate loneliness better. They are able to spend time alone with themselves, they can occupy themselves.
To do this, raise your child so that his attachment to you does not look like an addiction, but at the same time gives a sense of security. It is important that you are there when he needs you — for example, to help him fall asleep. Your participation is necessary so that the child learns to experience fears, separation, losses.
If parents overpraise the child, he may get the idea that everyone owes him
It is also important to encourage perseverance in everything a child undertakes, whether it be sports, drawing or puzzle games. When he persists, he achieves great success, and as a result he develops a positive image of himself. It is enough to observe children to understand what gives them pleasure: the realization that they are doing something.
Parents should reinforce the positive self-perception of the child. They might say, «Let’s see why you didn’t do well.» Remind him of his past successes. Regret leads to pessimism.
Don’t you think that an overly optimistic child will look at the world through rose-colored glasses and grow up unprepared for life’s trials?
Reasonable optimism does not interfere, but, on the contrary, helps to better adapt to reality. Research shows that optimists are more collected and focused in stressful situations and are more flexible when faced with challenges.
Of course, we are not talking about pathological optimism, which is associated with the illusion of omnipotence. In such a situation, the child (and then the adult) imagines himself to be a genius, Superman, to whom everything is subject. But this view is based on a distorted picture of the world: faced with difficulties, such a person will try to protect his beliefs with the help of denial and withdrawal into fantasy.
How is such excessive optimism formed? How can parents avoid this scenario?
The self-esteem of the child, his assessment of his own strengths and abilities depends on the approach of parents to education. If parents overpraise the child, admire him with or without reason, he may get the idea that everyone owes him. Thus, self-esteem is not associated in his view with real deeds.
The main thing is that the child understands why he is being praised, what he did to deserve these words.
To prevent this from happening, parents should form a child’s motivation for self-improvement. Appreciate his achievements, but to the extent that they deserve it. The main thing is that the child understands why he is being praised, what he did to deserve these words.
On the other hand, there are parents who raise the bar very high. What would you advise them?
Those who demand too much from a child run the risk of nurturing in him a sense of dissatisfaction and inferiority. The constant expectation of only the best results creates a sense of anxiety. Parents think that this is the only way to achieve something in life. But the fear of being unworthy actually prevents the child from experimenting, trying new things, going off the beaten track — for fear of not living up to expectations.
Optimistic thinking is impossible without the feeling of «I can do it.» It is necessary to encourage healthy competitiveness and purposefulness in the child. But parents should carefully monitor the condition of the child and understand what he really can do. If he is bad at piano lessons, you should not set him as an example of Mozart, who composed his own pieces at the age of five.