Children are family members with their own rights, they can (and very much even have) their own opinions and their own desires, which do not always coincide with the opinions and desires of their parents.
How to resolve emerging disagreements?
In mass families, the issue is resolved by force: either children force their desires (beeping, demanding, crying, throwing tantrums), or parents forcefully subdue the child (yelled, hit, punished …).
In civilized families, issues are resolved in a civilized way, namely:
There are three territories — the territory of the child personally, the territory of the parents personally, and the general territory.
If the territory of the child personally (to pee or not to pee, and the toilet is nearby) — the child decides. If the territory of the parents (parents need to go to work, although the child would like to play with them) — the parents decide. If the territory is common (when the child has it, given that it’s time for us to go out, and it’s stressful for parents to feed the child on the road), they decide together. They are talking. The main condition is that there should be negotiations, not pressure. That is, without crying.
These principles of the Family Constitution are the same for Adult-Child relationships as well as for relationships between spouses.
Level of requirements for children
If the level of requirements for children is underestimated, children will always remain only children. If the level of requirements for children is exaggerated, misunderstandings and conflicts arise. What is important to remember here? See →