Како изаћи из шок трауме: искуство психодраме

The tall blue-eyed blonde looks at me with an icy look. The cold pierces me, and I retreat. But this is a temporary digression. I’ll be back. I want to save Kai, melt his frozen heart.

Now I am Gerda. I am participating in a psychodrama based on the plot of Andersen’s The Snow Queen. She is hosted by Maria Wernick.

All this is happening at the XXIV Moscow Psychodramatic Conference.

“We will act out Anderesen’s fairy tale as an extended metaphor of inner life,” Maria Wernik explained to us, the participants in her workshop, gathered in one of the auditoriums of the Moscow State Pedagogical University, where the conference is taking place. “From the point of view of psychology, the fairy tale shows what happens in the psyche during shock trauma and what helps on the path to healing.”

We, the participants, are about twenty people. Ages are different, there are both students and adults. There are also leaders of other workshops who came to get acquainted with the experience of a colleague. I recognize them by their special badges. Mine just says «participant.»

Fairy tale as a metaphor

“Each role — frozen Kai, brave Gerda, cold Queen — corresponds to one of the parts of our personality, explains Maria Wernick. But they are isolated from each other. And so our personality seems to be divided into separate parts.

In order for us to find integrity, our parts must enter into a dialogue. We all begin to remember the key events of the fairy tale together, and the presenter deciphers their metaphorical meaning for us.

“At first,” Maria Wernik explains, “Gerda doesn’t understand well what happened to Kai. Going on a journey, the girl remembers the lost part — the joy and fullness of life that is associated with her … Then Gerda experiences disappointment in the castle of the prince and princess, a deadly horror in the forest with robbers … The more fully she lives her feelings and the closer her contact with experience, the stronger and more mature it becomes.”

Toward the end of the tale, among the Lapland and Finnish, we see Gerda completely different. The Finn pronounces the key words: “Stronger than she is, I cannot make her. Don’t you see how great her power is? Don’t you see that both people and animals serve her? After all, she walked around half the world barefoot! It’s not for us to borrow her strength! The strength is in her sweet, innocent baby heart.»

We will act out the final scene of the drama — the return of Kai, his lost part.

How to choose your role

“Choose any character,” continues Maria Wernick. — Not necessarily the one you like the most. But who you now want to become for a while.

• Избором Каиа, find out what helps you thaw, what words and actions resonate with you.
• snow queen — learn what arguments are needed to relax control or protection, allow yourself to feel tired and rest.
• Gerdu Learn how to get in touch with your feelings.
• You can choose a role Аутор and change the course of events.

I choose the role of Gerda. It has anxiety, willingness to go on a long journey and determination. And at the same time, the hope to return home and the desire to feel the love that I hear inside myself. I’m not alone: ​​five more from the group choose this role.

Psychodrama is different from a theatrical production. Here, the number of performers of one role is not limited. And gender doesn’t matter. Among the Kaevs, there is only one young man. And six girls. But among the Snow Queens there are two men. These Kings are harsh and impregnable.

A small part of the participants turns into angels, birds, prince-princesses, Deer, Little Robber for a while. “These are resource roles,” the host says. “You can ask them for help during the game.”

The performers of each of the roles are given their place in the audience. The scenery is created from colored scarves, chairs and other improvised means. The Snow Queens make a throne out of a chair set on a table and blue silk covers.

We mark Gerda’s zone with green plush fabric, sunny orange and yellow scarves. Someone lovingly throws a colorful scarf under your feet: a reminder of a green meadow.

Отопите лед

“Gerda enters the chambers of the Snow Queen,” indicates the leader of the action. And we, the five Gerdas, are approaching the Throne.

I feel creepy, a chill runs down my spine, as if I really stepped into an ice castle. I would like not to blunder in the role and gain confidence and strength, which I lack so much. And then I stumble upon the piercingly cold look of a blue-eyed blonde beauty. I’m getting uncomfortable. Kai are set — some are hostile, some are sad. One (his role is played by a girl) turned away from everyone, facing the wall.

“Refer to any Kai,” the host suggests. — Find words that will make him «warm up.» The task seems to me quite feasible. In a fit of enthusiasm, I choose the most «difficult» one — the one who turned away from everyone.

I say words familiar from a children’s movie: «What are you doing here, Kai, it’s so boring and cold here, and it’s spring at home, the birds are singing, the trees have blossomed — let’s go home.» But how miserable and helpless they seem to me now! Kai’s reaction is like a tub of cold water to me. He gets angry, shakes his head, plugs his ears!

Other Gerds vied with each other to persuade the Kaev, but the ice boys persist, and in earnest! One is angry, the other is annoyed, the third waves his hand, protesting: “But I feel good here too. Why leave? It’s calm here, I have everything. Go away, Gerda!

Everything seems to be gone. But a phrase that I heard in psychotherapy comes to mind. «How can I help you, Kai?» I ask as sympathetically as possible. And suddenly something changes. One of the «boys» with a lightened face turns to me and starts crying.

Confrontation of forces

It’s the turn of the Snow Queens. The confrontation is entering a decisive phase, and the degree of feelings on this round is very high. They give Gerda a harsh rebuke. The imperious gaze, firm voice and posture of the “actresses” are indeed worthy of royalty. I bitterly feel that everything is really useless. And I retreat under the gaze of the blonde.

But from the depths of my soul suddenly come the words: «I feel your strength, I recognize it and retreat, but I know that I am also strong.» «You are cheeky!» one of the queens suddenly shouts. For some reason, this inspires me, I mentally thank her for seeing courage in my frostbitten Gerda.

Дијалог

Dialogues with the Kai resume. «What’s wrong with you, Kai?!» one of Gerd shouts in a voice full of desperation. «Finally!» the host smiles. To my unconquered «brother» sits down «namesake» by role. She whispers something in his ear, gently strokes his shoulders, and the stubborn begins to thaw.

Finally, Kai and Gerda embrace. On their faces, a mixture of pain, suffering and prayer is replaced by an expression of real gratitude, relief, joy, triumph. The miracle did happen!

Something magical happens in other couples too: Kai and Gerda walk around the hall together, hug each other, cry or sit, looking into each other’s eyes.

Exchange of impressions

“It’s time to discuss everything that happened here,” the host invites. We, still hot, sit down. I still can’t come to my senses — my feelings were so strong, real.

The participant who discovered impudence in me comes up to me and, to my surprise, thanks: “Thank you for your impudence — after all, I felt it in myself, it was about me!” I hug her warmly. “Any energy that is born and manifested during the game can be appropriated by any of its participants,” explains Maria Vernik.

Then we share our impressions with each other. How did Kai feel? the host asks. “A feeling of protest: what did they all want from me?!” — answers the participant who chose the role of the boy-Kai. «How did the Snow Queens feel?» “It’s nice and calm here, suddenly some Gerda suddenly invades and starts demanding something and making a noise, it’s just terrible! By what right do they break into me?!”

Reply of “my” Kai: “I felt terrible irritation, anger! Even rage! I wanted to blow everything around! Because they lisped with me, as with a small, and not as with an equal and adult personality.

“But what touched you and made you open up to the other?” asks Maria Wernick. “She told me: let’s run away together. And it was like a mountain had been lifted off my shoulders. It was friendly, it was a conversation on an equal footing, and it was even a call for sex. I felt the urge to merge with her!”

Вратите контакт

What was important to me in this story? I recognized my Kai — not only the one who was outside, but also the one who is hiding inside of me. My angry soul mate, Kai, spoke out loud the feelings that I am so poorly aware of in life, all my repressed anger. It is no coincidence that I intuitively rushed to the most angry boy! Thanks to this meeting, self-recognition took place for me. The bridge between my inner Kai and Gerda has been laid, they can talk to each other.

“This Andersen metaphor is about contact first of all. Maria Wernick says — Real, warm, human, on an equal footing, through the heart — this is the place to get out of trauma. About Contact with a capital letter — with your lost and newly found parts and in general between people. In my opinion, only he saves us, no matter what happens to us. And this is the beginning of the path to healing for survivors of shock trauma. Slow, but reliable.»