There are some customers who start to feel awkward in the store. It is embarrassing — and in fact, a shame — to bother sellers with requests to bring, for example, several pairs of shoes at once. Or taking a lot of clothes to the fitting room and not buying anything … Asking for something cheaper …
One of my acquaintances, on the contrary, finds it difficult to buy expensive things, even when there is a desire and opportunity. When I asked him about this difficulty, he replied: “It seems to me that the seller will think something like: “Oh, the show-off is clumsy, he throws so much money on rags, and also a man!” “Do you like these show-offs?” — «Of course not!» he answered as quickly as he could, but he did not have time to hide his embarrassment.
It’s not so much about what the seller thinks. But the fact that we are trying to hide from him what we are ashamed of in ourselves — and are afraid of being exposed. Some of us like to dress nicely, but as children we were told that thinking about rags is low. It is a shame to be like this, or especially like this — you need to hide this desire of yours, not to admit to yourself this weakness.
A trip to the store allows you to get in touch with this repressed need, and then the inner critic is projected onto the seller. «Rogue!» — reads the buyer in the eyes of the «sales manager», and flashed in the soul «I’m not like that!» pushes you to either leave the store, or buy something that you can’t afford, do something that you don’t want, forbid yourself what your hand has already reached for.
Anything, but just do not admit to yourself that there is no money at the moment and this is the truth of life. To the internal or external reproach “You are greedy!” you can answer: “No, no, by no means, here’s my generosity!” — or you can: “Yes, I feel sorry for the money, today I am stingy (a).”
Stores are a private, though striking example. In addition to forbidden qualities, there are forbidden feelings. I especially got offended — this is how the mocking “Are you offended, or what?” Sounds in the mind. Resentment is the lot of the small and weak, therefore we do not recognize resentment in ourselves, we mask, as best we can, the fact that we are vulnerable and confused. But the more we hide our weaknesses, the stronger the tension. Half of the manipulations are built on this …
The fear of exposure often becomes a signal for me: it means that I am trying to cut off “shameful” needs, qualities, emotions. And the way out of this fear is to admit to myself … that I am greedy. I am without money. I love stupid comedies that my environment does not condescend to. I love rags. We are vulnerable and I can — yes, childishly, stupidly and absurdly — take offense. And if you manage to say “yes” to this gray zone, then it becomes clear: those who strive to shame us are fighting not just with our “shortcomings”, but with themselves.