Садржај
To wean another person from conflictogens is a creative task, not an easy one. You may be annoyed by conflictogens in your address, but if you start pointing out a person to his conflictogens and teaching him syntonic communication against his will, perhaps you yourself will turn out to be the most conflictogenic person.
The most terrible conflictogen is an indication to other people of their conflictogens
To wean another person from conflictogens — here you can distinguish between different tasks: either to wean him at all so that he does not communicate with anyone like that, another thing is that he does not communicate with you personally. At the same time, it is one thing to wean strangers, another thing to wean loved ones, while weaning our children is another than weaning our parents.
How to wean friends and relatives from conflictogens
The easiest and most reliable way to wean friends and relatives from conflictogens is to turn to them for help, ask them to follow you, because you want to get rid of conflictogens. If you have a good relationship, if the business is not difficult, pleasant and profitable — they will start doing it, and this will automatically ensure the main thing — their attention will be drawn to this topic. Automatically, they will begin to monitor themselves, and gradually their speech will become cleaner and cleaner.
How to wean strangers from conflictogens in your address
There are moments in time when it is effective to point out conflictogens in our address to a person. He will most likely hear us and this will most likely have an effect. And there are moments in time when pointing out to him about his conflictogens will not give anything but tension and complications in relations. So:
Immediately at the moment when a person allowed a conflictogen in our address.
— This is quite an effective moment. Here you can stop, pause. Look at the person. Repeat aloud what was said, as if weighing what was said, listening to what was said: “It seems to me that this is too categorical … (harshly)” — And you can gently comment: “I think that such formulations are an inappropriate form for our communication with you «. But pressing, seeking agreement and apologies here may not be effective: you can run into resistance, explanations, objections, and so on, which blurs the effective moment. It is better to smile, take another look carefully and continue the conversation further.
A few minutes after the conflictogens arrived, when you experienced them and realized that it was painful and insulting.
— Completely unfortunate, inefficient moment. You are already on edge, and the partner has already left the situation.
In a few hours or even another day, if possible.
— A good time for a conversation, but you need to spend it calmly and without offense.
Wishes for the future:
The next time a person comes to you with a request or an interesting proposal (project) for him, and wants to negotiate with you.
— Perfect timing! You are happy to discuss his proposal, but remind that there were such unfortunate moments in the discussions last time, and ask for guarantees that this time the communication will be correct.
Интергалактички преводилац
На нашој планети постоје различити међународни језици. Поред језичких разлика, постоје различити начини и стилови комуникације. Људи могу да говоре: мирно и суздржано, раздражено и узбуђено, стегнуто и самоуверено. Неко говори тихо, а неко гласно, нагло и распеваним гласом. Начини комуникације су поштовани, презирни, разиграни, озбиљни, огорчени и доброћудни. Речи које људи користе у комуникацији такође могу бити различите.
На пример: дете се врти на вечери и гласно прича. Шта и како да му кажем да га смирим?
— Please don’t talk at the table;
— Одмах престаните да причате
— Shut up, now;
Whoever says a word will be without a second. Whoever pronounces the word aloud will not receive compote either;
— Shut your mouth quickly;
— Stop talking;
Или још горе, „Ћути“.
Which of the options would you prefer in addressing the child? And which of the options are you ready to hear addressed to yourself? See →