Female sexuality is not external beauty, not the size of the chest and not the shape of the buttocks, not a smooth gait and not a languid look. Sexuality is the ability of a woman to experience sensual pleasure from contact with the world. This ability can be developed.
Sexuality is inherent in every woman, but not everyone knows how to show it. Sexuality develops with experience, as a woman learns more and more about her emotionality, sensuality. For this reason, young girls are less sexy than mature women.
How to evaluate your sexuality?
1. According to your own emotions and feelings
How bright and deep they are. This is the most important and reliable criterion.
- Do you experience sexual desire, how often and how strong?
- Do you have sexual and erotic fantasies and dreams?
- How sensitive is your skin, do you know your erogenous zones?
- Does sex and physical contact bring you pleasure and positive emotions, or does it cause you disgust, shame, fear, and even physical pain?
- How orgasmic are you, do you know your ways of getting an orgasm?
2. By the reaction of others to you
It’s about how your sexuality is manifested. How open you are in it and want to receive external confirmation that you are sexy.
- Are they looking at you?
- Do you get compliments?
- Do men meet you?
How to develop sexuality?
1. Touch yourself, develop sensuality, be present in physical contact
Sexuality begins with sensations. Try to touch your skin and direct your attention to the point of contact. What do you feel at this point? Heat, pulsation, pressure?
Concentrate on this feeling and try to strengthen it with your attention. Feel what emotions are associated with this sensation. Feel the body contact and experience the emotions. The same should be done during sexual and any bodily contact with a partner.
2. Explore your body
Not all women get an orgasm in the first years of sexual life, but the majority develop anorgasmia after a few years, and 25% never manage to experience an orgasm in their entire lives. To avoid falling into this category:
- to get started, read books and articles about female sexual anatomy;
- masturbate and explore your erogenous zones, ways to get an orgasm.
3. Fantasize
When you see a sexually attractive man, imagine having sex with him. What his body looks like under clothes, how he smells, how he moves, what caresses he uses, what his skin feels like to the touch. Erotic and sexual fantasies develop sensuality.
4. Increase your libido
This will help various bodily practices, exercises for intimate muscles and work on increasing self-esteem.
5. Flirt, respond to male attention
If a woman has a permanent partner and a harmonious relationship that satisfies her, she does not have a special need to demonstrate sexuality and attract other men. If a woman is sexy, but without a partner, she is usually open in the manifestation of sexuality, she also needs to attract a partner. It shouldn’t be awkward for a grown woman to flirt.
However, there are many of those for whom the manifestation of sexuality is tabooed, is under the ban of internal critics.
I have clients who are in search of a relationship, but this does not show up in any way. They never take the initiative, because, in their opinion, it is indecent for a woman to do this. Under fear of internal prohibitions, they do not demonstrate at all that they need a partner. And potential partners do not notice this need.
To begin with, learn to withstand male attention and stay in touch without being embarrassed or in spite of embarrassment. Maintain eye contact, maintain eye contact, smile in response to a smile, don’t be embarrassed by compliments. Then you can try and initiate flirting and flirting yourself.
6. Work through your sexual trauma with a therapist
Sexuality is not developed or manifested in those women who experienced shock trauma or developmental trauma associated with sexuality in childhood:
- the girl was sexually assaulted or she was a witness to sexual violence;
- one of the parents (rather, the mother) denied and condemned the daughter’s sexuality or their own sexuality, or sex as such was taboo in the family;
- rough, primitive, animal sexuality of one of the parents, without heartfelt love;
- a girl at a tender age witnessed sexual intercourse and was frightened by it.
You may not remember your childhood traumas. But if you want harmony in sex and feel that something is blocking your sexuality, this is an occasion for psychotherapy.
7. Look at yourself in the mirror, praise yourself
If some beliefs prevent you from seeing your beauty and loving yourself, work with inner critics in psychotherapy.
8. And of course, have sex.
Let’s agree that sex has value in itself. Even if it is only the satisfaction of a physiological need. To give pleasure to the body, to receive positive emotions, joy is already a lot.