Put away their shoes, help set the table, do their homework… Children live in a world made up of games and dreams, but the rules of life are as important to them as the air they breathe. To grow well, you need to have a wall to lean against, clear and explained limits. But once the rules are established, it remains to apply them and enforce them.

No need to shout every day for children to put their things in the dirty laundry basket before the age of 4. Dirt for them is a concept all yours. Better to ask for example that: “before taking your bath, you put your socks in the gray basket please” and you do it with him the first three times.

Између КСНУМКС и КСНУМКС година

The children will want to help, to acquire autonomy, responsibilities. If parents take the time to show, slowly, step by step, as Céline Alvarez, a researcher in child development, demonstrates, the little ones are attentive and have great abilities.

They just need a patient adult who shows them, lets them do it, lets them make mistakes, start over with calm and kindness. The more the parents get upset, the less the children will listen to the rules.

Са 7 година

This age corresponds to the entry into primary school, the children have acquired the main rules of life: eat at the table with the cutlery, say thank you, please, wash their hands, etc.

Parents can then introduce new rules such as helping set the table, emptying the dishwasher, giving the cat the kibble… all these small tasks help the child to become independent and take off with confidence later.

It is important to make children active in making these rules. For example, you can take the time to ask him what he would like to do to help, by offering him three tasks to choose from. He will then have the feeling of having had the choice and of having been heard.

Rules for the whole family

When the rules are in place, all family members should lead by example. The rules must be fair for each member, for example older children have the right to read a little before going to sleep and turn off their lights at a given time. Parents explain to the little ones that they need more sleep than the older ones to grow well and they should switch off before their big brother and sister.

These rules can provide an opportunity for the family to come together around a table and allow everyone to say what they like and what they don’t like to do. Parents can listen and take it into account. This time allows for dialogue, to explain. It is easier to apply rules when you understand what they are for.

So that everyone can remember them, one of the children can write the different house rules on a beautiful piece of paper, or draw them and then display them. Exactly like the family planning.

They can very well also find their place in a beautiful notebook dedicated to this, or a binder in which you can add pages, drawings, etc.

Shaping the house rules also means bringing clarity to what is expected of them and transforming a moment that might seem off-putting into something fun.

To write is also to memorize. Parents will be surprised to find that Enzo, 9, has memorized the 12 house rules by heart unlike his dad who is struggling to find the sixth. Memorization has to go through play. It’s a lot of fun to confuse parents and demonstrate your abilities.

The rules of life are not there to look pretty. The film Yes Day is a perfect demonstration of this. If the parents say yes to everything, it would be the jungle. Failure to follow the rules has consequences. It is also necessary to determine them as accurately as possible, again, according to the age of the child and his capacities.

Put away your shoes, for example. At three years old, the child’s attention is very quickly disturbed by an external event, a noise, something to tell, a dragging game… there is no point in shouting and punishing.

The older ones are capable and have integrated the information. Explaining to them what you use the time it frees up for tidying up (working, cooking, helping them with their homework) can be a good start.

Then with a smile, agree together on a consequence if he does not put his shoes away, without necessarily using the words sanctions or punishments. It can be a deprivation: television, football with friends … but he must also have the possibility of: clearing the table, cleaning the furniture, folding the laundry. The rules of life are then associated with positive action, and that feels good.