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- Magic sentence 1: “You have the right to be angry”
- Magic phrase 2: “Come into my arms! “
- Magic sentence 3: “Gosh, he did this to you?” “
- Magic sentence 4: “As soon as you are ready, you can come and talk to me”
- Magic sentence 5: “What does Nestor the beaver think? “
- Magic sentence 6: “In your place, I would do it immediately, but it is you who see”
- In video: 12 magic phrases to appease your child’s anger
- Magic phrase 7: “Well done, you have progressed”
- Magic phrase 8: “Are you frowning, are you angry?” “
- Magic phrase 9: “Go for a run! “
- Magic phrase 10: “I speak to you with respect, I expect the same from you in return!” “
- Magic phrase 11: “Stop! “
- Magic phrase 12: “Okay, you made a mistake, but you are still a good person!” “
Magic sentence 1: “You have the right to be angry”
If he goes into a spin, there is bound to be a reason. “Anger allows him to say that something is touched in him,” explains parenting coach Nina Bataille. Furthermore, refusing an emotion is the best way to increase it. Our advice: welcome his annoyance with a benevolent listening. Isn’t he happy because someone stole his toy? Tell him you understand him. Knowing that someone is sharing their feelings will help them calm down.
Magic phrase 2: “Come into my arms! “
When a child explodes, it is impossible for him to find the way out to calm down. It is such a source of anguish for him that it maintains the crisis and amplifies it … To comfort him, nothing like a hug. Gestures of tenderness promote the secretion of oxytocin, the attachment hormone, which provides an immediate feeling of calm. They also have a beneficial effect in the long term. “The more you fill his emotional reservoir, the more you will give him the strength to face difficulties and to regulate his emotions later,” assures the coach.
Magic sentence 3: “Gosh, he did this to you?” “
As the little ones have no perspective on things, they can feel hurt for trifles. In order to help them play down the drama, do not hesitate to react on the wrong foot, just to bring a little lightness to the situation. When he comes back from his piano lesson, he complains that his teacher gave him two small pieces to review, and he stamps his feet so as not to return to class? Play the humor card: “Gosh, how could he dare to do such a thing?” It will teach him to put things into perspective.
Magic sentence 4: “As soon as you are ready, you can come and talk to me”
Does he make a face? Don’t try to force a dialogue right away. “It is not because you tell him that you are available to talk that he is,” insists Nina Bataille. Give him time to digest his anger and take responsibility for when he comes back to you. The main thing is to always keep a door open. He locks himself in sulking? Hand him a new pole at the end of a quarter of an hour: “Is it that bad that we don’t go to the merry-go-round this afternoon?” But above all, stay firm on your positions. If you give in to him, he may sulk regularly to get what he wants.
Magic sentence 5: “What does Nestor the beaver think? “
Take the test: grab his blankie and make him say whatever it is you have trouble getting your child to hear. You will see, the pill will work much better. “The blanket is a transitional object, which allows the child to put things at a distance”, explains Nina Bataille. So don’t hesitate, use it!
Magic sentence 6: “In your place, I would do it immediately, but it is you who see”
There is nothing to do. Every time you ask him to set the table, he puts up a resistance. “It is characteristic of children with the temperament of pack leader: they hate being given orders and always seek to gain the upper hand,” notes Nina Bataille. Above all, don’t get upset and play it thin. Make him feel like he’s going to decide. All you have to do is say to him in a tone that is both calm and firm: “In your place, I would do it immediately, but it is you who see”. You will see, even if he is not happy, he will do what you asked him to do.
In video: 12 magic phrases to appease your child’s anger
Magic phrase 7: “Well done, you have progressed”
“As parents, we also have a role of coach to play for our children,” recalls Nina Bataille. Has your little one managed to keep his cool in a situation that could have degenerated, or degenerated until now? It really deserves to be highlighted. Complimenting him will not only encourage him to repeat this behavior, but you will also boost his self-esteem.
Magic phrase 8: “Are you frowning, are you angry?” “
To learn to manage your anger, you still have to know that you are angry. To help him become familiar with this emotion, take care to describe the signs and physical manifestations: “You are screaming”, “your face is all red”, “your breath quickens”, “you have a lump in your stomach” … Also have fun making with him a list of terms that describe the different degrees of anger , from the least strong to the strongest: impatient, dissatisfied, upset, bored, irritated, angry, furious… Putting words on his emotions will help him to better control himself.
Is your child angry? Coach’s advice to help parents
You have taken so much upon yourself during your child’s anger or in the midst of the crisis, that you too crack. So, to avoid screaming, or even being on the verge of hitting it, our tips for not exploding yourself.
- If you can, leave your child in their room, isolate yourself, and take slow breaths. Breathe in deeply for a count of 5 and do the same on the exhale 5 times in a row.
- Drink a full glass of water or run cool water on your face and forearms to quench your thirst, slow your heart rate, and bring down body heat.
- Give yourself 10 minutes to indulge in an activity that relaxes you: taking a shower, reading a magazine… It will be better afterwards and you can speak to your child with a calm voice that will relieve the tension.
Magic phrase 9: “Go for a run! “
Nothing like running or kicking a ball to learn to channel your emotions, anger in mind! Physical activity has the double advantage of consuming cortisol, the stress vector, and of producing endorphin, the pleasure hormone. Is your child not really athletic? Drawing, writing and singing also work very well to externalize one’s aggressiveness.
Magic phrase 10: “I speak to you with respect, I expect the same from you in return!” “
From the moment you show respect for your child, both in the words you use and in the behavior you adopt with him, we are quite legitimate to demand the same from him. If it crosses the line, don’t let it go. Ask him to rephrase his sentence.
Magic phrase 11: “Stop! “
Of course, there is no question of letting him do what he wants. However, avoid saying “no” all the time. Pronounced most of the time in a tone of reproach, the “no” will tend to amplify his exasperation and therefore increase his stress. Prefer the word “stop”, which has the merit of stopping the child in his tracks without making him feel guilty.
Magic phrase 12: “Okay, you made a mistake, but you are still a good person!” “
He just needs to slip when he draws a picture, and that’s the tragedy: he gets angry and tears the sheet with rage! Your son can’t stand to make the slightest mistake. Not surprising. “We live in a society where the culture of error is not at all developed: our children must succeed at the first try if they do not want to pass for loosers”, regrets Nina Bataille. So it’s up to you to remind him that failure teaches that everyone has the right to make mistakes, and that even if it was wrong, it is not null for all that. To bounce back, he needs to regain a minimum of self-confidence …