For Christmas, some parents do not shy away from any sacrifice for their children. How to explain this need to offer gifts en masse?
Stéphane Barbas: When giving gifts, there is always a projection of our own dreams and desires. And when parents cover their children with toys, it is a way for them to satisfy that part of the imagination. Satisfying your own desires is legitimate, but it is important to realize that they can be completely out of step with those of the children.
For others, this overabundance is a way to fix broken parental images or their history. Gifts become a way of restore an ideal. For example, people who missed a lot in their childhood are often less careful about the quantity of toys. But by wanting to compensate for something phantasmal, this often prevents adults слушати малишани.
Finally, some do not shrink from any sacrifice for fear that their child don’t love them anymore and to prove to themselves, in short, that they are good parents.
In the latter case, are the gifts used as proof of love?
S. B. : Absolutely. It’s a materialization and a deviation from love. But the gifts will never be enough, because we never like too much their children. If they feel an excessive need to materialize their affection, parents must wonder, because it hides deep difficulties. It is important to keep in mind that love is above all qualitative.
Christmas: no to the blackmail of gifts!
“In consultation, I sometimes realize that Christmas is used as a weapon by parents. To make themselves obeyed, they use blackmail: if you are not wise, you will not have gifts at Christmas. However, this adds an emotional stake that does not need to be. Christmas or birthdays are symbolic holidays. You must not touch it. And if we punish the child, he will have to wait a year. It’s much too long for him, ”explains Stéphane Barbas.
By spoiling our children “too much”, don’t we run the risk of annoying them or making them capricious?
S. B. : If the child receives a bidding on gifts, there are risks that it is jaded, indeed. As soon as the holidays are over, the gifts end up in a corner. Nevertheless, some little ones manage to manage this overabundance well. They discover their toys over several weeks after Christmas.
Moreover, a child who has received all the gifts he wants does not become capricious. In fact, it plays out more на редовној основи. You have to know how to manage children’s demand, know how to say no, do not feel obligated to buy a small toy every time you go shopping, for example. Clearly, you should not be in the immediate satisfaction.
Would you advise parents to follow the children’s Christmas list or, on the contrary, to favor the element of surprise?
S. B. : The surprise is good, provided of course not to lead to a frustration brutal in the child by offering a gift completely opposite to his tastes. This shows that parents anticipate desires little ones, without needing to reassure themselves. As for the list, even if it depends on the means of each one, I do not think that it is necessary to follow by the book. You should know that children always have a favorite gift, which has a stronger symbolism than the others. So just be слушајући их to make them happy.