"Романса између учитеља и ученика је инцест"

CULT OF SCHOOL AGAINST THE CULT OF KNOWLEDGE

Many years ago, I myself studied for a year at a famous Moscow school, a “special” institution with a program for advanced children, rich traditions and a cult of school fraternity.

I did not take root in it, although many were truly happy there. Perhaps because I grew up in a large “charismatic” family, it was unnatural for me to consider school as a second home. This obliged me to share the tastes and values ​​of a large number of people who were not always close to me. And the relationship with the teachers, in which it was tempting to get closer and be friends with them, to my amazement turned into the fact that the teachers either brought the students closer or further away, praised and devalued often not from pedagogical, but from very personal relationships.

It all seemed vaguely unsafe and wrong to me. Later, I decided that it would be better for my children to go to a regular school, without such «megalomania».

However, my youngest son turned out to be a child with great greed and a craving for knowledge, and he also entered a special, eminent school — «Intellectual». And with the obvious love of the students of this school for their alma mater, I saw a significant difference. In this school, the only cult was the cult of knowledge. It is not personal relationships with students, intrigues and passions that excite teachers, but endless love for their own subject, scientific honor and responsibility for their actions.

Скандал у «Лиги школа»: зашто су затворене образовне установе опасне? Прочитајте родитељима

FOREIGN TERRITORY

I listened to a great lecture on YouTube by the director of the League of Schools, Sergei Bebchuk. I listened and realized that even half a year ago I could have warmly agreed with many things. With the fact, for example, that the teacher should be given the freedom to choose textbooks, that he should not be subject to the regulatory requirements of the department — about, for example, how high a snowdrift should be next to the school. What you need to trust the director and teacher.

On the other hand, I drew attention to the fact that his accents are placed very clearly: the main thing is the student’s personal enthusiasm for the teacher. And what is most important, first of all, is to “win over” children, and then it will be possible to influence them against this background. From this de grows interest in the subject. Because then the children will be ashamed not to learn lessons — after all, their beloved teacher tried, prepared for classes.

Yes, teenagers are easy to influence. This, from the point of view of social psychology, is a community that easily turns into a crowd — with all the ensuing properties. On the other hand, each member of the teenage pack is agonizingly preoccupied with their own potential and the desire to be exceptional.

Perhaps my words will seem very unusual to you, but in my opinion, a teacher is not obliged to love his students. Respect yes, love no. A wonderful teacher, professor from Tula Olga Zaslavskaya often repeats the following phrase at lectures for teachers: “You don’t have to love students. Go home and love your children. You must love your job.» Of course, the statement does not negate interest, sympathy and respect for students. But when the school replaces the family, and teachers pretend to be close relatives, there is a danger of the collapse of boundaries.

This should not be taken literally — of course, each person may have preferences. But burning pride, jealousy, manipulation, attempts to charm the class as a whole and individual students in particular — this is unprofessional behavior.

When the school claims to be a family, in a sense, it climbs into the wrong territory. For many children, it really becomes a family space. Inside such an institution it is fine, as long as the people there are decent and not spoiled. But as soon as someone who is not pure in mind gets there, such an environment gives him a lot of opportunities to “zombify” children and manipulate them.

If I understand correctly the speeches of Bebchuk and Izyumov, in their school the whole ideology, the whole pedagogical system was built on the active, invasive influence of the teacher’s personality.

FAMILY LAW

If the school is a family, then the laws that apply there are the same as in the family. For example, in the case of incest in the family, the child is afraid to admit that one of the parents allows himself to be unacceptable.

For a child, to say something against a father or mother is not just to bring shame out, but also to betray someone who is authority for him. The same thing happens in the school, where a special nepotism, closed to the outside world, is cultivated. Therefore, most of the victims are silent — they cannot go against the «parent».

But the worst thing is when children are pitted against each other in the struggle for the attention of this authority. The League of Schools constitution states that teachers can have favorites. Yes, it says that these favorites are asked more, but the concept itself is unacceptable. Children begin to fight for the attention of the teacher, because every child wants to feel loved by those who are authoritative for him.

The trouble is that such school rules are a broken system. They only work if you rely on the decency of the teacher. What is written in the constitution of the school relies on the infallibility of the teacher’s personality to such an extent that it is a threat. And that’s the trouble.

WHAT IS ALLOWED IN SCHOOL

Where there is authority, there must be boundaries. I like that at the school where my son studies, children go on trips with class teachers, they can go for tea with the director, give the biology teacher a toad in a jar instead of flowers on September XNUMXst.

I think with horror that on the surface, these little things at home (mainly related to the fact that children either live in a school dormitory, or spend time in clubs until late), our school can be mistaken for an unsafe space. But I see a huge difference!

For example, the way in which the bedrooms of boys and girls are strictly divided by floors (without the right to enter each other’s floors), how well the rules are adjusted, delights me and allows me to fully trust the administration. I know that in case of any doubt I will be carefully listened to by the school administration and no one will ever tell me that I should completely and unconditionally trust the teachers. The Academic Council, which includes both parents and students, is rather obstinate and authoritative.

It is important to understand that if it’s normal to go to the director’s for tea, then the situation in which children enter the office, close the door behind them, and put them on their knees is not normal under any circumstances. The whole difficulty is to find a formal boundary.

Therefore, there is so much annoyance and anger: all the best that is in such schools, now, after the scandals, in the perception of people is mixed with everything terrible. And this casts a shadow on those who do not climb under the skirts of the students, who can really be a support for the child at a difficult moment, for sensitive and pure-minded professionals.

DEVELOPMENT OF BORDERS

My heart sinks when, after such incidents, they call for the closure of all elite schools. It’s like abolishing the institution of the family, because incest happens in it. It is extremely important for parents to begin to understand what is happening in the family.

The vast majority of girls who have experienced something like this are single, not accepted in their own family. They don’t trust their parents. In addition, they reason like this: you worked your way into this school with such difficulty, because of one kiss you endanger your stay in this place … The child is in a stalemate: if you start fighting for justice, there is a risk of being expelled and damned. This is an unbearable burden for a teenager.

But still, the main thing that can be done to prevent such situations (and they happen in any, even secondary schools) is to respect the physical boundaries of the child and tirelessly remind that no one has the right to touch him if he does not like it. And in the event of embarrassment, doubt, disgust for the actions of the teacher, you must definitely share this. To do this, a teenager must know that parents will be able to behave coolly and sanely, that they trust their son or daughter and will not use trust to manipulate.

To achieve this trust, you need to show the child that he will always be supported in the family. A child who gets a two may go home with a heavy feeling, knowing that he will also be punished for this mark. Or maybe, having come home, to meet such a reaction: “Oh, you must have been upset? Let’s think about how you can help fix it.»

I really hope for the joint common sense of teachers and parents. On the development of reasonable, clear and precise boundaries — without such excesses, when the distance between the teacher and the student is measured by a ruler, but unambiguously drawn, on the articulation of the rules.

It is important that every student knows where to turn to in days of doubt and painful reflection, so that the authority of the teacher is not built on blind trust, but on his moral principles, mutual respect and on the adult, wise life position of the teacher. Because when a teacher satisfies his ambitions and passions at the expense of his students, without even violating the Criminal Code, this speaks of his infantile and weak personality.

All parents should pay attention to:

1. The personality of the director. Determine for yourself how responsive this person is, how clear his beliefs and principles are to you, how he positions himself in relation to students and parents.

2. The prevailing atmosphere in the school. Does the school rely too much on competition between students? Is she caring for everyone? If children compete endlessly and anyone can easily drop out of school, this is at least fraught with enormous stress and neuroses.

3. Measures to ensure border security. Are there clear and intelligible recommendations for students, are there psychologists who are not invested with administrative power in constant access.

4. The passion of the child himselfsubjects and sciences. Whether his interests are developed individually, whether his uniqueness is respected and whether the thirst for knowledge is encouraged.

5. Intuition. Do you find this place safe, friendly, clean and honest. If something is bothering you at school, listen to your feelings. And if something is annoying your child — listen doubly carefully.